I am false

having alcohol being a major part of my life since I was a child..I have come to realize that I can't fix it..I spend the majority of my time thinking of ways to fix stuff.. I overeat, binge eat, isolate myself from others..go from way UP to way down...I am starting this blog to record my progress now and when I attend my first al non meeting. I am withdrawn, afraid what ever i contribute will be wrong..Tomorrow morning at 10am I will make a call to someone who will point me to that meeting. And I am angry, angry at the turns that my life has taken by choices made by another, and I didn't speak up..I want to be healthy,,I want to honestly forgive, and let it go. I want to live One Day At A Time to the fullest and enjoy..I want to be a functioning human..I want to honestlly feel and say that I am a good person and God loves me..right now..that is not possible , I am not that person,..I am false.